Just a thought
Today I thought I might share something that I did to make me feel good, something to take the focus off the day for me..
Thursday's for me are very difficult as its the day of my son's accident. My daughter and I ( she is 10) had decided to remove this day from the week, heck from the calendar but unfortunately that is not possible so we grit our teeth and get on with the day. I don't start work at TAFE until 12 on that day so from the time my daughter leaves at 8:15 I start the downward spiral into that emotional pit I call the black hole of sadness, as much as I try I just can't stop thinking about that day, the events of the day and how the evening ended up. Usually by 11 I am feeling fairly crappy, been crying, have a headache and in general just do not want to go to work, but I start to get ready anyway. Well this week while I was getting ready I thought to my self, I can't keep doing this before work I have to try something else, So I decided that I would do something nice for someone else to make me feel better, I would give a little and then emotionally I might get a little back.
I went to woollies and bought a bunch of yellow roses and a bag of kids party toys for my students. In my class I have about 3 ladies and 8 young boys, interestingly enough they are the ages of my son's, so I knew what would make them laugh.
I bought a fancy bag to put them in, some curling ribbon, came home and quickly started preparing the gifts. I cant describe what a relief it was for me for 15 minutes to just focus on someone and something else even for just a short time, I can't say I was happy but if my son's were looking down on me they would have been because for the first time in 4 months, there was no fake smile and gritting teeth, I was smiling at the thought of the reaction from everyone, my whole mind set about going to work changed, if only briefly.
So off I went to work, and before class started a couple of them asked how I was and I responded with my new response " crap, its Thursday, BUT I have a surprise for everyone, its as much for me as for you so I hope we get a little fun from it" I told them all to shut their eyes which they did, I then placed the roses on the table for the ladies, told them they could open their eyes but the guys had to keep them shut, they had to reach into the bag like a lucky dip, laughter filled the room, smiles everywhere, even on my face, I was having fun. The guys selected their little gifts, which ranged from flutes, yoyo's, spinning tops to parachute men, when they all opened their eyes we all had a chuckle, they played, the girls smelt the flowers and the tension in the room was lifted ( they all know what has happened so I guess they feel like walking on egg shells at times).
I suppose the moral of the story is that, I made a decision that day to do something about my own emotional state, it was a small step outside of my grief, A brief respite and it worked. I am not saying this will work for you and I am not saying I will do this all the time, what I am saying is that for the first time in 4 months I actually had control of something. TRY IT IT MIGHT WORK FOR YOU.
Thursday's for me are very difficult as its the day of my son's accident. My daughter and I ( she is 10) had decided to remove this day from the week, heck from the calendar but unfortunately that is not possible so we grit our teeth and get on with the day. I don't start work at TAFE until 12 on that day so from the time my daughter leaves at 8:15 I start the downward spiral into that emotional pit I call the black hole of sadness, as much as I try I just can't stop thinking about that day, the events of the day and how the evening ended up. Usually by 11 I am feeling fairly crappy, been crying, have a headache and in general just do not want to go to work, but I start to get ready anyway. Well this week while I was getting ready I thought to my self, I can't keep doing this before work I have to try something else, So I decided that I would do something nice for someone else to make me feel better, I would give a little and then emotionally I might get a little back.
I went to woollies and bought a bunch of yellow roses and a bag of kids party toys for my students. In my class I have about 3 ladies and 8 young boys, interestingly enough they are the ages of my son's, so I knew what would make them laugh.
I bought a fancy bag to put them in, some curling ribbon, came home and quickly started preparing the gifts. I cant describe what a relief it was for me for 15 minutes to just focus on someone and something else even for just a short time, I can't say I was happy but if my son's were looking down on me they would have been because for the first time in 4 months, there was no fake smile and gritting teeth, I was smiling at the thought of the reaction from everyone, my whole mind set about going to work changed, if only briefly.
So off I went to work, and before class started a couple of them asked how I was and I responded with my new response " crap, its Thursday, BUT I have a surprise for everyone, its as much for me as for you so I hope we get a little fun from it" I told them all to shut their eyes which they did, I then placed the roses on the table for the ladies, told them they could open their eyes but the guys had to keep them shut, they had to reach into the bag like a lucky dip, laughter filled the room, smiles everywhere, even on my face, I was having fun. The guys selected their little gifts, which ranged from flutes, yoyo's, spinning tops to parachute men, when they all opened their eyes we all had a chuckle, they played, the girls smelt the flowers and the tension in the room was lifted ( they all know what has happened so I guess they feel like walking on egg shells at times).
I suppose the moral of the story is that, I made a decision that day to do something about my own emotional state, it was a small step outside of my grief, A brief respite and it worked. I am not saying this will work for you and I am not saying I will do this all the time, what I am saying is that for the first time in 4 months I actually had control of something. TRY IT IT MIGHT WORK FOR YOU.
posted by Michelle @ 2:06 PM
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