Stages of Grief

Something I hear a lot is "There is no right way or wrong way to grieve" this statement is of no consolation to me really, as I am an organized, methodical, planning,basically black and white type person, I often find my self wondering if I am doing this right, should I be crying every morning when I miss the routine I had with my sons, should I be sad when I know I won't be picking Mat up from school, should I be feeling angry with everyone, why do I find it hard to concentrate, how come I was so goal driven before and now nothing motivates me at all, why do I get annoyed with people when they say stupid things like "oh well at least you have your daughter" or " gee you look well, you must be feeling better". Because I am the person I am I want someone to tell me the right and wrong way, I crave for direction, deadlines, goals and a plan of attack for this phase of my life, but sadly there is none.

I feel like I have checked out every website and every book (I know there's more out there) and still I get the same and only consistent thing, "The stages of Grief" the only thing is you don't really go through these stages in one even continuum, you experience these stages all over the place, any time of day, night, week or month. You experience some on their own but mostly I have found they are interconnected depending on the day or time of the day.

These stages are consitantly described as;
DENIAL (this isn't happening, it can't be happening, and boy do I do this, at least a few times a day I say this to my self)

ANGER (Why, who is to blame, it seems a necessity for me at this stage to blame someone or something, of course, I have no control so yes someone else must be to blame, or better still I will blame my self, that works for me)

BARGAINING ( I promise I'll be a better mother if you give them back to me, I'm sorry I stuffed up, I promise I'll do better, JUST GIVE THEM BACK)

DEPRESSION ( I don't care anymore, I say this so much I surprise mny self at my lack of motivation for even the basic things)

ACCEPTANCE (well I feel at the moment I will never accept this, but common sense tells me I will find a way to accept what has happened, I have to or I'll go mad trying to figure out why)

One thing is for sure although our grief experience will be intensely personal, these seem to be the typical stages of bereavement. I guess if we can identify the feelings and emotions we are experiencing in each stage, and talk about them or write them down we will be able to reflect on them throughout the grieving process and deal with them in a productive way.
A friend told me today that once we get to acceptance then we can accept a spirituality within, then our loved ones will come to us, I look forward to that day.