An experience to share

Something both wonderful and upsetting happened to my self and my daughter yesterday and for those of you that know me and read this, I thought we might share it, as strange and unbelievable as it may seem I have to truly believe that it was a sign.. Well after thinking about it most of the night I see no other explanation other than it was a message from our angels, but in particular Mathew.

My daughter was at the fridge, standing there with the door open looking for a drink as they do, when she shut the door and turned around, she could smell something familiar, she called to me and said " mum can you come here there's something familiar here" I proceeded to the kitchen, when I saw her face I could see she was up set, I said "what's up" she just said smell. When I breathed in a big sniff I could smell Mats deodorant, my heart skipped a beat, I started to cry and said to her that's Mats deodorant, she said I know. Little tears started rolling down her cheeks, and I have to say that she doesn't as a rule cry in front of me or anyone, we both stood there, we could smell it so clearly, it was the smell we used to smell when he would have a shower and come to the kitchen to make peanut butter toast, it was as if he was there but we couldn't see him, we both just stood there, arm around each other, not really knowing what to make of it.

It seemed to last for a minute or 2 and then was gone, we looked around the room and both agreed that Mat must have been there, or maybe he was still there.
I asked Georgia if she had sprayed it, as you do (I was looking for a logical explanation) Georgia went to get Todds deodorant, we sprayed it but it wasn't the same. We knew it was Mats smell.

We sat back on the lounge and just cried a little and then spoke about them, I told her I mostly miss calling out to the boys, saying there name, its not normal for a mum to not be calling her children for one thing or another.. She then told me that often when she walks down the boys end of the house (where their rooms are) that she feels funny in her tummy and heart, I said maybe that's her self sensing they are there, she agreed.

Now if this event had occurred to only Georgia I would think she was making it up, despite what I have read about such things I still have an element of doubt, If it had happened to me on my own I would have tried to explain it and find some logical explanation, however; as it happened to both of us what else can we believe, the fact that it made Georgia cry meant it had some impact and that she too truly believed he was there. I think Mat was trying to let us know that he was there, or that they are both with us in some form even though we can't see them. I guess they see me cry daily about the impending Christmas celebrations and the new year, and they would hear me saying how much I miss them and love them, and I guess they have even heard me say can we have a sign, just something to show you are here, maybe my thoughts have been answered??? I have to believe so.

Over the past few weeks I have mentioned things that have occurred, me witnessing a car accident, me talking to the Chaplin and having the 2 hours and 20 minutes of missing time filled in, and now this.... There is also something else that happened in front of my self and my girlfriend a couple of days after the funeral, an ornament that Mat & Georgia had broken and I have patched up, the broken part fell off, I put it back on and it fell off again, now this broken part hasn't fallen off since the day I repaired it, that has been several years since. So I guess I have had 4 signs, I just didn't see them through the fog of sadness that is now my daily companion.

So where does that leave me this morning, I guess it gives me comfort knowing that they are here with me I just cant see them ( it is by far no a consolation though), and if I believe then I will feel them with me, its just really hard when all I want to do is see them, hug them, talk to them.