Hard days

Well hear I go again, choosing to write, to be productive instead of shedding more tears, I hate the night time so much, I think its the most saddest, hardest time of a grieving parents day, you know why because there is nothing left to focus on except sadness and loss, no work to do, no daily chores, the house becomes quiet as we all settle down for the end of another day.... I have been especially saddened this week as we have suffered another tragic car accident in our local community, another group of young kids, one life lost and 3 hang in the balance, when will these kids learn that they are not invincible??? I have been feeling very disheartening with my weak attempts to try to come up with solutions, or try to help these kids, who am I to think I could possibly help any of these kids see what the repocussions of careless, reckless behavior can be, Here I was thinking, we have to do something, we have to make them see the big picture, but I realize I cant do this on my own, a handful of parents wont be able to do this, the government, in particular the law makers can make a difference, we as parents even those of us with young kids not yet driving need to speak up, how many more lives will be lost before the laws are changed? And more importantly how can laws be changed when even our own government representatives and sporting hero's seem to get away with breaking the law.

This week we have heard on the news of one politician with 2 kids on P plates and one child a learner caught for speeding, speeding enough to lose his license but not enough to lose his position, then we have a footballer, someone who our boys in particular look up to caught drink driving, another girl aged 25 caught speeding 25 km's over the limit, why are they not listening, obviously the car crash and distraught parents on the news isn't enough to deter them.

I know nothing will bring my boys back, believe me I am fully aware now that they are not comming home, but I do have a 12 year old who will also want to drive one day, I hope we can effect some changes to laws before she gets to drive.

I have also been thinking about the boys mates this week, not only have they been completing final exams but they too will have all this bought back to the surface for them, after all they lost mates, they have cried with me, everything we have a crash like this its like another twist to the heart of everyone involved with the remaining family members.... as I sit here tonight, I struggle with the words to describe how I feel inside, I miss my boys so much, it will be 16 months next week, 16 months, it still feels like yesterday most days, slowly we have begun to function, but gee its hard especially when you can feel the wave of depression building as I do, sometimes its worse than others, but for the most part ist just plain sad and very painful....