The 1st Meeting of H.O.P.E
We had the first meeting of our support group H.O.P.E on the 7th of August, prior to the meeting I had around 27 enquiries, at the meeting 30 people attended, quite a show and slightly bigger than anticipated.
Our venue has proved to be too small and as such we have now secured a larger room at a local club, free of charge, so many businesess are coming on board with support its great. As for the meeting well it was quite draining, a real sad energy in the room but by the end of the evening the energy had changed to a positive one...It went as Vera and I had hoped, people were sharing stories and swapping contact details, the feed back was very positive, clearly we were right and this was something needed by many.
As for me I found the following days quite a struggle, I felt so sad for some in particular and just couldnt seem to get their stories or words out of my mind, I had a headache for a couple of days and went into my own bit of depression, all part and parcel I imagine after hearing such sadness from others and still living my own very real and still very close tragic story.
I will need to learn not to take on the pain of others, be more of a facilitator in the meeting and let them bond with each other for support..
Speaking of support, my guide and freind through this has just had an operation for lung cancer, she is due to start Chemo in a matter of weeks but is doing it really tough, I wish I could help her more, I feel helpless, all I know is that I can give her strong positive energy just like she has given me and genuinely be there for her.....
I have also been posed with another small delema this week, one of my colleagues little girls is also fighting cancer of the kidney, everyone at work is fussing around trying to find things we can do for them, we have now been asked to prepare meals as the mum and sister are staying at Ronald McDonald House, I have no issue with preparing the meals, I have issue with what happens when they get home, after all the treatment and the dust settles, I wonder then if my colleagues will be there for them, as I imagine this is also going to be an ongoing battle. I cant help think that you should start as you aim to finish, only because I know first hand what its like to have everyone on your door step offering to help and do what they can in the early days only to have them at the first sign of recovery make a B line for the door.... That is the sad truth of it, as soon as people see you returning to some kind of normality all of a sudden know one is there, all the phone calls the visits, the meals, etc they stop and what are we left with, sadly still the same thing we had in the beginning in terms of emotional need but everone moves on, I just hope that work will continue to fuss even when the little one gets home, I know I will because I havent started out in such a manner that will feel like a burdon in the long run.
Perhaps it sounds like I am a tad cross or synical, but its the truth, people around us dont realise or stop to think that even though we plod along like things are fine they arent, it seems that there are only a couple and I mean 2 poeple that seem to acknowldge the fact that I would be struggling on the 14th of any month, and for that reason just give me a call or a text to say hey how are you traveling today, just thinking about you, thats the real important stuff, not a meal or flowers the after thoughts, I suppose unless you have experienced such a life changing tragedy its really hard to step out side of your own world for once a month..... since this is something I have learnt on this journey I have made sure that all the people I have spoken to at the HOPE meeting who gave me special dates, times and events that will be happening for them have been entered into my diary so I have a reminder that on that day they will be feeling like crap and a simple message of hi may lift their spirits.
I had a really bad day yesterday, I had to go to a soccer dinner for my daughter on my own as Todd was working, I was panic stricken and knew I had no one really that I could call on to come with me, I cried all the way to work, wanted to turn around many times but didnt.. turns out I only had to sit by myself for 30 minutes but for 30 minutes I felt so overwhelmed in the crowd and noise its hard to describe..yes 2 years on this still happens..
It sounds like I am having a winge and perhaps I am and I think I can, I guess what I am trying to say is remember the person you support in the early days of a tragedy will still need that support 2,3,or even 10 years down the track, what they need to know is that you are truly there for them, as the friend or family member..
Our venue has proved to be too small and as such we have now secured a larger room at a local club, free of charge, so many businesess are coming on board with support its great. As for the meeting well it was quite draining, a real sad energy in the room but by the end of the evening the energy had changed to a positive one...It went as Vera and I had hoped, people were sharing stories and swapping contact details, the feed back was very positive, clearly we were right and this was something needed by many.
As for me I found the following days quite a struggle, I felt so sad for some in particular and just couldnt seem to get their stories or words out of my mind, I had a headache for a couple of days and went into my own bit of depression, all part and parcel I imagine after hearing such sadness from others and still living my own very real and still very close tragic story.
I will need to learn not to take on the pain of others, be more of a facilitator in the meeting and let them bond with each other for support..
Speaking of support, my guide and freind through this has just had an operation for lung cancer, she is due to start Chemo in a matter of weeks but is doing it really tough, I wish I could help her more, I feel helpless, all I know is that I can give her strong positive energy just like she has given me and genuinely be there for her.....
I have also been posed with another small delema this week, one of my colleagues little girls is also fighting cancer of the kidney, everyone at work is fussing around trying to find things we can do for them, we have now been asked to prepare meals as the mum and sister are staying at Ronald McDonald House, I have no issue with preparing the meals, I have issue with what happens when they get home, after all the treatment and the dust settles, I wonder then if my colleagues will be there for them, as I imagine this is also going to be an ongoing battle. I cant help think that you should start as you aim to finish, only because I know first hand what its like to have everyone on your door step offering to help and do what they can in the early days only to have them at the first sign of recovery make a B line for the door.... That is the sad truth of it, as soon as people see you returning to some kind of normality all of a sudden know one is there, all the phone calls the visits, the meals, etc they stop and what are we left with, sadly still the same thing we had in the beginning in terms of emotional need but everone moves on, I just hope that work will continue to fuss even when the little one gets home, I know I will because I havent started out in such a manner that will feel like a burdon in the long run.
Perhaps it sounds like I am a tad cross or synical, but its the truth, people around us dont realise or stop to think that even though we plod along like things are fine they arent, it seems that there are only a couple and I mean 2 poeple that seem to acknowldge the fact that I would be struggling on the 14th of any month, and for that reason just give me a call or a text to say hey how are you traveling today, just thinking about you, thats the real important stuff, not a meal or flowers the after thoughts, I suppose unless you have experienced such a life changing tragedy its really hard to step out side of your own world for once a month..... since this is something I have learnt on this journey I have made sure that all the people I have spoken to at the HOPE meeting who gave me special dates, times and events that will be happening for them have been entered into my diary so I have a reminder that on that day they will be feeling like crap and a simple message of hi may lift their spirits.
I had a really bad day yesterday, I had to go to a soccer dinner for my daughter on my own as Todd was working, I was panic stricken and knew I had no one really that I could call on to come with me, I cried all the way to work, wanted to turn around many times but didnt.. turns out I only had to sit by myself for 30 minutes but for 30 minutes I felt so overwhelmed in the crowd and noise its hard to describe..yes 2 years on this still happens..
It sounds like I am having a winge and perhaps I am and I think I can, I guess what I am trying to say is remember the person you support in the early days of a tragedy will still need that support 2,3,or even 10 years down the track, what they need to know is that you are truly there for them, as the friend or family member..
posted by Michelle @ 12:47 PM
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