Friends lost and Gained on this journey
It is almost 3 years since the loss of my sons. There is a lot we have come to terms with over the time but one of the hardest things I find to deal with is the way Friends and family have reacted to our loss. In particular my friends, some I have re-gained and some I have lost, some I hang onto by a thread I think purely because we have been Friends for so long it just seems the right thing to do.
I may have mentioned some time ago on this journey that I am not close with my immediate family, as such have had no contact with anyone other than my Aunty since I was 18, well just this week she informs me that she IS NOT HAPPY with the way I live my life, how bizarre, she is not happy. Her issues are many but mainly that I support others who are strangers to me but in need of support as they travel the same road, she is also not happy that I seem to be "making a business from grief" by starting up HOPE. She is also not happy and thinks it a waste of time that I support young driver education programs, her logic is "you cant save every ones child so why bother" .... well I took this on board for a day or two, but it didn't take long for me to realise how selfish she was being, how the fact that I wasn't grieving the way she thinks I should was the real issue.
I wrote her a letter and pointed out that many charitable organisations have started as a result of someone in grief or a time of need, knowing this they reach out to others in a time that is similar...
So here we are having lost the boys and now losing the only family member I have contact with. I realise of course that this is her decision, and I also believe that it is her inadequacy in dealing with her grief that is an issue, not mine, I also realise most of all that I, and people like me need to have positive supportive people around me. I know that by helping others I am helping myself and will continue to do so, despite her opinion... there are some on this journey that we have to leave behind, some friendships will never be the same, and so be it, its a new journey, a new 'NORMAL' and a new life, one that I/we have to live the best way we can.
I may have mentioned some time ago on this journey that I am not close with my immediate family, as such have had no contact with anyone other than my Aunty since I was 18, well just this week she informs me that she IS NOT HAPPY with the way I live my life, how bizarre, she is not happy. Her issues are many but mainly that I support others who are strangers to me but in need of support as they travel the same road, she is also not happy that I seem to be "making a business from grief" by starting up HOPE. She is also not happy and thinks it a waste of time that I support young driver education programs, her logic is "you cant save every ones child so why bother" .... well I took this on board for a day or two, but it didn't take long for me to realise how selfish she was being, how the fact that I wasn't grieving the way she thinks I should was the real issue.
I wrote her a letter and pointed out that many charitable organisations have started as a result of someone in grief or a time of need, knowing this they reach out to others in a time that is similar...
So here we are having lost the boys and now losing the only family member I have contact with. I realise of course that this is her decision, and I also believe that it is her inadequacy in dealing with her grief that is an issue, not mine, I also realise most of all that I, and people like me need to have positive supportive people around me. I know that by helping others I am helping myself and will continue to do so, despite her opinion... there are some on this journey that we have to leave behind, some friendships will never be the same, and so be it, its a new journey, a new 'NORMAL' and a new life, one that I/we have to live the best way we can.
posted by Michelle @ 2:22 AM
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