And so it begins

Over the past few months I have tried hard to arm myself with as much information about this new learning process I am going through. I say learning because as a mother most of what we do for our children comes from intuition and good old fashioned common sense, we aren't given a parenting manual at the hospital when we have our babies, we are given what everyone else terms as a beautiful bundle of joy, its not until we get home that we wonder where is that beautiful bundle of joy they mentioned, there must have been a mix up at the hospital, somehow I have been given someone's else's child, this little bundle of joy who cries all night, sleeps all day, poops and wees when ever, cries for the sake of it, keeps us up at night, causes us to sleep on the floor because they have wind and have to be on a hard surface, decides to throw up that last bit of milk after you and baby have bathed and are ready for bed. That little bundle of joy that gives you unconditional love, that little person that teaches you the real meaning of life, that little bundle that gives you a sense of purpose, a reason for all that you do, that little precious person that you have created. We do in a sense learn to be a parent, but motherhood is built within, it comes natural, its part of a woman's makeup.
Grieving to is natural, but so UN-NATURAL is the grieving for a child, there is no intuition to tap into for this learning process, I find that I have no clue, yes I have had the passing of a grandparent to endure but the pain is nothing compared to the loss of a child. When I was pregnant I didn't read much, it was a time of uncertainty but with that uncertainly came excitement, anticipation and happiness, I didn't feel the need to read, now I find myself reading absolutely everything I can get my hands on, because I have no clue as to how I go about this, so yes the learning process begins !!