Changing of seasons
Well spring is almost here, you can feel the change in the weather each day.. But sadly that reminds that we are about to come into another summer without my boys.. My Mathew loved the summer weather, he loved the beach, body surfing and just being out doors in general, actually well except Bren loved going to the beach, sadly I haven't been to any of the Newcastle beaches since the death of my boys, I just cant bring my self to even go into that part of town really, when I think about it I know that if they were here then Mat would be at the beach every spare moment, I also remember the day at Newcastle police station and identifying them, I fear I may never get over feeling that way about a place I used to love to go to....
Mat would have been finishing high school in a couple of months, Bren would have still been working at woollies and playing on the computer, and loving it... All these 'would haves'
I had a visit the other night from Brendons best mate, they are so much alike, been friends since about the age of 13 or so, their mannerisms and the way they tell stories are so alike, its quite hard sometimes for me to talk to Tim because I see and hear Brendon in him... I miss him so much, my big boy!! I often see Mats mates in the shopping centre, they are all growing up, all driving and making plans for the future, I cant help but be a little envious.....
I seem to have more good days than bad, I think of them always and know they are with me, but gee when the bad days hit they hit, sadness can sometimes weigh so much, it seems to be more of an effort just to move, but for the most part we all seem to be doing ok, a year and a bit on and I can do a bit of shopping, can go out for dinner and even have a bit of a laugh, I can see the progress I have made but I also see how hard the road ahead will be.... I seem to think that with each passing day I can breath a little better....
anyway, not much else to say at this point, just felt sad today, noticing the change of season fast approaching.
Mat would have been finishing high school in a couple of months, Bren would have still been working at woollies and playing on the computer, and loving it... All these 'would haves'
I had a visit the other night from Brendons best mate, they are so much alike, been friends since about the age of 13 or so, their mannerisms and the way they tell stories are so alike, its quite hard sometimes for me to talk to Tim because I see and hear Brendon in him... I miss him so much, my big boy!! I often see Mats mates in the shopping centre, they are all growing up, all driving and making plans for the future, I cant help but be a little envious.....
I seem to have more good days than bad, I think of them always and know they are with me, but gee when the bad days hit they hit, sadness can sometimes weigh so much, it seems to be more of an effort just to move, but for the most part we all seem to be doing ok, a year and a bit on and I can do a bit of shopping, can go out for dinner and even have a bit of a laugh, I can see the progress I have made but I also see how hard the road ahead will be.... I seem to think that with each passing day I can breath a little better....
anyway, not much else to say at this point, just felt sad today, noticing the change of season fast approaching.
posted by Michelle @ 8:07 PM
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